March 25, 2002

DEEPER SUFFERING

"For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world, and is departed..."

2 Timothy 4:10

I feel so blessed right now. I am entering into the pains of the Lord and of saints like the apostle Paul.

How can I explain this Christian walk? There is war and victory going on at the same time. So many of the saints have known great periods of suffering, and it's not just physical sufferings I'm talking about--although they have been beaten, stoned, crucified and thrown into cold prisons. Instead I am referring to the invisible levels of pain which human eye cannot see and no one but the sufferer can understand.

Paul oftentimes lost those who were closest to him. Some of his right-hand men deserted. They walked off in the middle of their ministries, leaving Paul forsaken and grieved.

Who can understand such cowardice and rebellion even among Paul's inner circle? But this happened to the beloved apostle again and again. Yet the Lord strengthened Paul and the work of evangelism and the building up of the believers continued on.

The beloved apostle said, "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course. I have kept the faith" (2 Timothy 4:7). Praise the Lord Paul could say such things. But the fact is, not every Christian can.

For me, right now, this inner pain has been intense. For I have lost one who has been so close to me. He has surrendered to the flesh and has stopped fighting. He has not kept on course but has gone astray. His faith has been weakened.

And I feel within myself the deepest, most agonizing pain having to see this spiritual defeat being manifested in someone whom I love as a brother and who has been standing at my side as a "warrior for Christ" for so long a time.

May God have mercy on the church. May we never shrink from our service to Jesus Christ and from the many hardships we will inevitably face. May we never give up, quit, or fail at such an hour.

David Berkowitz

March 26, 2002

GLORIOUS SUFFERING

"And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and wil preserve me unto His heavenly kingdom" to Whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen!"

2 Timothy 4:18

I've been having some of my deepest and most consistent times of prayer these days. Beginning about one week ago when I entered into a new period of glorious suffering, feeling such great loss and abandonment, the Lord began to wake me up on the early morning hours. This has been happening almost daily.

The Lord has been awakening me around 3. A. M.. In the quietness of the cellblock and in the darkness of my cell, He has brought me to my knees night after night. I have been praying fervently, but at a whisper so as not to disturb the other men. My heart's broken cry has been "Abba, Father!" My tears have been many.

However I seem to be going deeper into my relationship with the Lord than in days prior. In the midst of personal loss He's been bringing me sweet comfort. Jesus has been soothing my wounded heart.

Then today I had been thinking of other suffering saints. Job and Joseph, such loss and grief they endured. Hannah and Ruth had to wait patiently over many years before the Lord gave each of them the desire of their heart.

Elijah saw the death of many of his fellow prophets at the hands of wicked Jezebel. Jeremiah was mocked and scorned and thrown into dungeons for saying, "Thus saith the Lord!"

And I must remember bold Stephen who was stoned, and the apostle Paul who was whipped, beaten, and thrown into dark prisons.

Next I thought of the beloved John the Baptist, arrested, beheaded. And then to my mind comes the King of Suffering Himself, the Lord Jesus. He was a "man of sorrows" and was well "acquainted with grief", He wept over Jerusalem. He received a crown of rejection for a prize. And then the ultimate of scorn, Jesus' own people chose Barabbas, a murderer, instead of Him.

Pain, pain, and more pain. Throughout the ages myriands of saints had to drink their cup of sufferings. Yet their faith remained strong.

So when we endure "all things" and continue to walk by faith, the victory becomes very sweet. And the priviledge of fellowshipping with the Lord and His sufferings brings us closer to Him. I've been discovering, teo, that God's love for me more than makes up for my loss of people.

David Berkowitz

March 27, 2002

VICTORY AHEAD

Today I mailed my letter to Governor George E Pataki. I sent it via Certified Mail, and with a return receipt card so that I will be able to know it at least reached his office. I believe the Lord gave me the words to say. Lord willing, the letter will also be posted on this web site for all to see and know my feelings concerning parole.

And I got a surprise this afternoon when I was called to meet with a parole officer. She was very honest and open and it was a pleasure to talk with her.

This meeting was normal procedure. Every inmate must meet with a local parole offcer at least two months in advance of his or her scheduled hearing date.

She and I talked for over an hour, and we were both on one accord of wanting the families to know about my feelings about parole, that I am not trying to get it;

The parole officer suggested that if I want to, I can write a short statement and get it to her within a week. She promised to include it with her report which must be sent to the Office of Parole in Albany

Things are going better than I expected and progress is being made. Hopefully very soon these hurting families will have the closure they want and need.

David Brkowitz

P.S. This is all the journal writing I'll be doing for March.. I want to spend the last several days of this month recuperating and getting spiritually refreshed. I want to enjoy this Passover season.